Conflict in College

True or False: When you head off to college (even a Christian college), you never will experience conflict with people? Yes, that would be a strong False. As long as we live in this sinful fallen world, we will experience conflict and disagreements with classmates, professors, bosses, parents, siblings and others. Sometimes, it seems to happen with those closest to us. As friendships grow, in a strange way, conflict helps deepen relationships. Sometimes conflict tests a relationship to see how deep the roots go.

When conflict comes, friends care enough to confront one another with love and truth. As you are on your own, growing with responsibility and freedom in college, conflict must be a skill you learn. It will come back up again and again with friends, co-workers, a boss, church leader or family member. If you do not learn how to deal with conflict properly, you could deeply damage a person and your relationship with him or her.

For example, as you face a conflict with your roommate, seek to understand where he or she is coming from with open ears. Listen a lot more than you talk. There might be a good reason he or she wants the chair to be in the southwest corner of your dorm room. Set aside time to talk when your emotions are not high. Do not become the issue by becoming defensive. Figure out what the issue is and stick to talking about the issue at hand. With mutual love and respect, do not use accusatory words or point fingers, but take ownership for your part of the issue. Do not attack the person or bring up other issues. Stick to the "chair in the corner." If restoration of your relationship is your goal (and it always should be), you will get through the conflict and grow. There is nothing better than hugging at the end of a tense talk. (Pray together, too--before, during and after the conflict.)

There is no single formula for working out conflict with another person, especially if it is not specific sinful behavior, so we are left with the help of the Bible and the Holy Spirit to take a step at a time with humility to seek peace with one another. Paul declared we should be at "peace with all people" (1 Thess. 5:13). Let this be your goal as conflict comes in college.